Fic: Not Porn; (Chuck, Dan) PG
Title: Not Porn (or how Chuck and Dan totally didn't become friends)
Author: Eliza Ann (frozenmolasses)
Characters/Pairings: Dan, Chuck
Summary: It's probably porn. And just to assure himself that it's definitely porn, Dan stops on his way out the door and starts spouting off about classic literature.
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: That would be a definite NO. Josh, Steph, and the CW own the characters. I just like to screw with them.
Spoilers: Nothing that specific, but general spoilers up until 2x25.
Words: 496
A/N: Chuck/Dan is my guilty pleasure and even though this is just a friendship fic, anytime they have a scene together it brings me joy. Feedback is epic love, by the way.


Things have become pretty strange for Dan, lately. Because when Serena goes shopping, Lily and Rufus go out, and Jenny and Eric decide to hang out with Jonathan, things get quiet. It's not like he minds being alone, but the thing is, he isn't alone.

These days it happens a lot and somehow it becomes okay. At first Chuck just briefly acknowledges him before he disappears into his room. Dan doesn't want to even consider what goes on in there. But after the first few times that he presses his ear to the door (yes, he's considering) and doesn't hear any moaning or heavy breathing or any other tell-tale signs of porn, he has to knock on the door, just to find out what his adopted step-brother is doing.

"I need to borrow a stapler." It's the first thing that comes out of his mouth, so he goes with it.

Chuck just glares for a few seconds, before putting down his book (his book) and pointing to an actual stapler on his dresser. Dan picks up the stapler, trying to comprehend that Chuck is reading.

It's probably porn. And just to assure himself that it's definitely porn, Dan stops on his way out the door and starts spouting off about classic literature. Chuck just stares at him the whole time until Dan is sure he's got no clue what he's talking about (or is about to order a hit on him), when he interrupts.

"You're an idiot."

He turns around. "Right, sorry for, uh, stopping by." He turns back around. "I'm just gonna go... staple things."

"No, I mean you're a real idiot. How did you even get into college?" Chuck puts his book down and sits up.

"Um, excuse me. If I remember correctly you didn't even-"

But he doesn't get time to finish because Chuck starts eloquently countering every single opinion that Dan had expressed about literature. Dan gets a good look at his book. It's not porn and he suddenly feels very stupid.

When Chuck's done talking Dan tries to discuss it with him, but he just waves him off. "Take the stapler or don't, but get out."

He does. Of course, he comes back the next day everyone leaves. And talks more about literature.

It looks like Chuck's ignoring him, but every few minutes he'll stop him in order to tell him that he's completely and utterly wrong and why, and then goes back to ignoring him.

They do this more and more as the summer rolls on until Dan's sure they're almost friends. The thought kind of makes his stomach turn. But that doesn't stop him from showing up, always with a lame excuse about needing to borrow something. Chuck always gives it to him.

By the time Dan has to move into his dorm, he's got a box full of two staplers, eight pens, four pencils, eleven paperclips and a pillowcase. He tapes it up and brings it with him. But he doesn't open it. Besides, it's not like they're friends or anything.